I started 2022 going full steam ahead on my business.
I was working myself down to the bone, until the point where I felt that I couldn’t rest anymore…
I had created targets I wanted us to reach, and not only we did it, but also, shortly thereafter, I doubled them…
I was in the zone!
But I wasn’t satisfied. I started doing 1:1 coaching and working on why I was dragging myself down to the ground. I woke up exhausted and demotivated. Nonetheless, I kept pushing through, clocking in as soon as I opened my eyes, and only stopping at night when my husband complained about the light from my screen and the sound of the keyboard while in bed.
My coach didn’t get through to me right away, but she handed me an imaginary mirror and guided me into taking a deeper look at myself. I realized that I was feeling guilty about doing simple things that I used to enjoy doing; going to the supermarket or taking a yoga class during the day. I felt that I had to sacrifice myself to the limit.
I realized that my desire to conquer was costing me more than I had bargained for. It wasn’t allowing myself to nurture and care for ME, it wasn’t allowing me to love myself.
I was mad at myself, sad that I had forgotten why I want to help people in the first place. I felt awful.
I was allowing my ego to lead. I wasn’t present towards my family, I wasn’t loving and happy for myself.
That was two months ago.
Between then and now, I took time to be with my family in the south of Brazil. We visited with aunts and uncles and took part in a large family reunion where I went back to my roots, where I was reminded about the power of family, the power of community, and large festive gatherings. I got my footing.
We spent time with uncle Nico, who started from nothing and is now one of the largest food producers in the region. He gave us a tour of everything he built during his lifetime and did so in the most unassuming way. He was not proud of the fortune he built, but of his love for what he does and for having his children, my cousins, continue the family business.
Nico’s unassuming way was a contrast to what I know here in Miami. I was intrigued and touched by his kind demeanor.
All of my mom’s family is so loving, so Italian and German, and so much togetherness.
It’s everything I needed to feel part of these past two months. My soul is now recharged. I arrived with an empty tank and it left full. My soul got so happy. I know people will tell you that happiness can only be found within yourself. That is not true, sometimes the mirror you need to look at is someone else, someone who has done great things, someone wiser. Not all of our answers are within ourselves.
I ask you: Who are those role models?; where do you find that sense of belonging that fills your soul?
Whatever that is, please give it to yourself and I will keep doing the same. I know this is not always easy, but let’s have a commitment here that we will try our best, that’s all I ask from you…
Good night and see you in two weeks.
R.G.
